


I Would Sleep Better on Your Floor

by thegreendog



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Animagus Sirius Black, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Sirius Black, Cute gay shit, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Gay Male Character, Gay Remus Lupin, Gay Sirius Black, Hogwarts, Hurt/Comfort, I promise it's really not too sad, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), POV Remus Lupin, POV Sirius Black, POV Third Person Omniscient, Possible Background Jily, Protective Remus Lupin, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Romantic Fluff, Sad Gay Angst, Sad Sirius Black, Shrieking Shack, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Werewolf Remus Lupin, little bit of angst and it'll probably get worse but you guys like pain anyway don't you, mostly just cuddling so far, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:13:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28059741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreendog/pseuds/thegreendog
Summary: Alternate Title:"Six Times Sirius and Remus Held Each Other, and One Time They Didn't."
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 31





	1. Break Your Neck, and I Will Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw: light aftermath of injury; very vaguely implied child abuse. use of the word f*g in regards to a cigarette.

_Autumn, 1975_

Remus Lupin glanced up at the sky, swallowing hard. Across the quidditch pitch, the sun was disappearing behind the castle, tendrils of golden light bleeding into a canvas of cloud.  


_Shit,_ Remus thought. It wouldn’t be long now. He quickened his pace, eyes straining to make out the Shrieking Shack just up the hill. He had been cutting it far too close lately, and he didn’t want to think about the consequences if he didn’t reach his hiding place in time.  


_Shit, shit, shit, shit._ He never should’ve stopped by the library. He could’ve been late with his Potions work. It wasn’t worth this. _Shit._  


By the time Remus crested the hill, his brow was damp with perspiration. He half-ran, half-stumbled through the doorway, gritting his teeth. He had just managed to slide the heavy cast-iron lock into place before the real pain began, and he collapsed to the floor with a howl.  


“Lookin’ a bit _ruff,_ Moony,” a familiar voice observed.  


_Goddammit._  


“The hell are you doing here, Padfoot?” Remus managed, his breathing ragged.  


Sirius Black smirked, tipping his head back and squinting up at the ceiling. “What’s it look like I’m doing?”  


“Being an _idiot."_  


“I was thinking something more along the lines of ‘the greatest friend of all time,’ but fine, whatever you say.”  


“Sirius, we’ve _talked_ about this—” Remus began, but he was cut off by a searing pain at the base of his neck. Fumbling with his sweater, he bit his tongue to suppress a howl as he tugged the damp fabric over his head. The worst of it was almost over. The rest, he’d forget in the morning.  


A whistle sounded from across the room. “Damn, Moony. Lookin' fit. You been working out?”  


Remus flushed, gritting his teeth. “Please get out.”  


“Nah.”  


“Padfoot, I’m serious.”  


Sirius grinned. “No, I am.”  


“Fuck you!” Remus shot back, laughing despite himself. He broke off as another wave of pain wracked his body.  


“You alright, mate?” Sirius asked hesitantly. Remus didn’t reply, grinding his teeth together to keep from crying out. The real pain was beginning, now, and he couldn’t decide if Sirius’ presence was making it better or worse.  


Across the room, the other boy bit his lip. “Sorry. That was a dumb question.”  


A pause.  


"Where are the others?" Remus asked at last, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. 

Sirius shrugged. "Told James I'd snitch on him for spying into the girls' dormitory if he tried to tag along. And you know Peter isn't exactly the type to risk his neck unless he absolutely has to." 

"There a reason you wanted to come alone?" Remus felt his heartbeat quicken slightly at the question, and he hoped to god it didn't show on his face. 

"Maybe I just wanted some quality time with my Moons," Sirius drawled in reply. Remus shot him a dark look and the other boy raised his hands in mock defense. "Fine." He shrugged slightly. "I didn't think you'd want an audience." 

"Yet here you are all the same." 

"Eh, I'm different. And you should be bloody thankful for me, too. They were both dying to test out their transformations with you. James is gonna be _livid_ when the Jelly Legs Jinx I put on him wears off." 

"You _jinxed_ them?" Remus cried, incredulous. 

Sirius ran his fingers through his dark hair nonchalantly. "Our Prongs is a stubborn son of a bitch. I knew threatening to rat him out to McGonagall wasn't gonna be enough, especially with all the dirt _he's_ got on _me._ " 

Remus shook his head in vague disbelief. "I can't believe you," he murmured. He shook his head. “Awful lot of trouble to go through just to sit and watch me lose my fucking mind, you know that?” Suddenly, Remus felt something akin to anger building in his throat. "What are you even doing here?" He asked hollowly. "Came to watch the freak show? Find out what I'm really like?" He knew it had always been the plan for Sirius and the other Marauders to keep him company during the full moon once they had finalized their transformations, but suddenly even just Sirius' presence felt humiliating. How was he supposed to share the worst part of him with the only people who claimed to care about him despite it? What if they changed their minds? What if the transformation didn't work? What if he hurt them? 

Oblivious, Sirius grinned halfheartedly and produced a bottle of firewhiskey from somewhere within his jacket. Remus shook his head incredulously. “Really, Padfoot? You came here just to get shit-faced and...and what, mess around? I could hurt you— hell, I could kill you! What if—”  


“I don’t think it’s in your nature to hurt your own kind,” Sirius interrupted casually. He took a swig of the whiskey.  


“My own kind?” Remus couldn’t hide the bitterness in his words. “Come off it, Sirius. You’re not that stupid. When I turn into—” Remus broke off, biting his lip. “When the transformation happens, I mean, I won’t even _recognize_ you. You might be ‘my kind’ right now, but you won’t be for much longer.”  


“Yeah? That so?” Sirius asked. He winked, and suddenly a large black dog was standing in his place. The dog howled, long and slow and mournful. “We’re not so different, you and I,” Sirius murmured, shifting back into his human form. He tipped the bottle towards Remus— an invitation. “It’ll help with the pain.”  


Remus eyed Sirius skeptically. “It will?”  


“It’s always worked for me.” Sirius glanced away, clearing his throat. “I dunno. Can’t hurt to try, yeah?”  


Remus swallowed, accepting the bottle.  


The first time Remus Lupin had gotten drunk, he had been stupid and high on victory after Gryffindor had won the Quidditch Cup. James and Sirius had burst into the common room singing, laden with drinks and soaked with sweat, and a bottle of butterbeer had been shoved into Remus’ hands before he could say no.  


“C’mon, Moony, loosen up a little!” James had insisted, raising his own drink. They’d toasted, and the drink had slipped down Remus’ throat like honey. There was hardly any alcohol in the stuff, of course, but a sip of butterbeer quickly became a sip of firewhiskey which became a shot of Quintin Black which became fumbling about with a fifth year in the darkened boys’ dormitory while the party raged below which became—  


Remus flushed, cutting the memory short. He hadn’t gotten _truly_ drunk since that night, and he hadn’t intended on doing so again.  


“You gonna just sit there looking at it all night or what?" Sirius’ voice shook Remus from his thoughts. The other boy was staring at him, bemused, from across the room.  


Times changed, Remus supposed, raising the bottle to his lips.  


It was only one drink, after all. 

“...no, no, _no,_ I think you’d just like...only be pregnant when you were in _animagus_ form,” Remus argued, stifling a yawn. It was early the morning after, and the combination of a full moon and too many drinks had found the two boys shirtless and sweaty, intertwined on the Shrieking Shack floor. Remus’ entire body was aware of how close he was to Sirius, but he was tired and Sirius was warm and moving felt like far too large a task to attempt before the sun had even crested the hilltops.  


Beneath Remus, Sirius clicked his tongue skeptically. “Really? But what if you stayed pregnant but the baby was, like, a _dog_ instead of a human. So you’re a human walking around with a _dog baby_ inside of you.”  


“Remind me _why_ we’re discussing the mechanics of animagus sex again?”  


“I’m just _saying,”_ Sirius argued. He threw his hands up in frustration. “Nobody ever _talks_ about it. If you’re an animagus and you _happen_ to, like, shag an animal—”  


“Why?” Remus interjected. “Why on _earth_ would you do that?”  


Sirius made a soft growl of annoyance. “Oy, just shut up and let me finish! Besides, it wouldn’t be _that_ weird, ‘cause you’d be an animal, too, right? So, you, like, I dunno, _mate_ with the animal or whatever and if you’re like, hypothetically a female, would you get pregnant or not? That’s all I wanna know!”  


“Go _ddammit,_ Padfoot, _I_ don’t know! I guess it depends.”  


“Oh yeah? On what?”  


“Well, for starters, was he wearing a condom?” Remus replied, dissolving into a fit of sleepy laughter.  


“You’re so _drunk,”_ Sirius whined with a snort, shoving Remus’ shoulder.  


“Whose idea was the firewhiskey?” Remus shot back, aiming a playful punch for Sirius’ throat. The other boy caught his hand.  


“S’not my fault you’re a lightweight, Moony.”  


“S’not _my_ fault you’re an _alcoholic,_ Padfoot.”  


“Oh, sod off,” Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes. He still hadn’t let go of Remus’ hand, and Remus didn’t entirely mind it. They laid there in silence for a moment.  


“It’s gonna suck when it wears off,” Remus observed at last, wincing as the beginnings of a headache set in. 

Sirius furrowed his brow, shifting to look at Lupin. “How bad is it, usually?”  


“What? The pain?” Sirius nodded. Remus swallowed, pushing himself into an upright position. He uncurled his fingers to reveal four long, bloody gashes in his palm. “It’s no picnic, I suppose.”  


Sirius sat up quickly, lunging for Remus’ hand. “When the fuck did this happen?”  


Remus shrugged him off, waving a dismissive hand. “You were asleep. I’ve had worse.”  


“Yeah, well, so’ve I!” Sirius shot back. He sat up, staring darkly out the window. There was a long, heavy silence. “You should have told me,” Sirius said at last. He was barefoot, wearing only his school trousers—he’d lost his sweater somewhere between Remus’ transformation and dawn—and something about the way the morning light danced across his chest made him appear more ghost than man. Carefully, Remus averted his gaze.  


“So it’s true, then?” He asked softly instead, drawing a knee up to his chest. “About your mother?”  


The muscles in Sirius’ back tensed. “What about my mother?”  


“Never mind,” Remus said quickly. _Fuck._  


“What about my mother, Moony?” Sirius repeated, slower this time. His words were pointed— angry, even—and tinged with something dark and unidentifiable.  


Remus swallowed. “James said—”  


“It would’ve been him.”  


“C’mon, mate, please don’t be mad at James—”  


“How about you stop telling me how to feel?” Sirius snarled, sharp and quick like the lash of a whip. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, exhaling. “Just— don’t listen to everything James tells you, yeah?” Sirius pushed a stream of air out through his teeth and tangled an absentminded hand through his hair— he had let it grow long and wild over the past few months, and Remus suddenly wanted nothing more than to run his fingers through it.  


“Padfoot—” Remus began, hesitant.  


“I don’t want to talk about it right now, Remus,” Sirius interrupted tersely. A pause. The dark-haired boy sighed, chewing his lip. “Do you...do you ever get used to it? The pain, I mean?”  


Remus laughed bitterly. “Did you?”  


“That’s different.”  


“Is it?” Sirius scoffed lightly, shaking his head in disbelief or maybe anger. Remus sighed. “If I’m going to get used to it, I haven’t yet.”  


“Fuck.”  


“I mean, I get used to the _idea_ of it.” Remus flexed his knuckles, watching blood well out of the deep wounds in his hand. “I know when to expect it. How to brace for it. But somehow it…”  


“—it always manages to take you by surprise,” Sirius finished quietly, not looking up from the ground. Remus nodded, wincing. The whiskey was wearing off.  


“Yeah.”  


A long moment passed. Remus considered his fingertips; the way the blood slowed to a trickle as it neared the soft flesh of his forearm. Quietly, Sirius settled onto the floor beside him. He glanced at Remus and held up his undershirt from the night before: a question.  


“You’ll get it dirty.”  


“It’s a t-shirt, Moons. I’ll buy another.”  


Remus bit his lip and glanced away. At last, he offered a nod of invitation, and Sirius took Remus’ hand in his. Carefully, he began to mop away the worst of the blood with the soft fabric. He hummed quietly under his breath and Remus let his eyelids drift closed, tipping his head back against the wall.  


“ _Tergeo,_ ” Sirius said softly, flicking his wand. Remus hissed despite himself as blood, dirt, and bits of gravel extracted themselves from the open wound. Sirius murmured something else, causing a soft blue glow to envelop Lupin’s hand. Remus watched in awe as his skin began to carefully knit itself back together.  


“Merlin, Pads, you’ve been holding out on us,” he breathed.  


Sirius laughed dryly, rolling his eyes. “Ha. You flatter me.”  


“Seriously. Where the hell’d you learn to do that?”  


“Just some shit I picked up, I guess,” Sirius replied distantly. He stood, seeming suddenly cold. “Hey, you seen my sweater?”  


“You don’t just _‘pick up’_ that kind of magic,” Remus countered, shaking his head. “Really, mate. You just pulled that out of your arse, yet you’re _still_ failing Charms?”  


“You’re beginning to sound like James,” Sirius replied testily. He found the discarded sweater in a corner and began to shake the leaves from it. “And I’m failing Charms because I don’t do any of the work, thank you very much. It has absolutely nothing to do with my capabilities.” He pulled the sweater over his head.  


“Pads.”  


Sirius sighed in exasperation. “Goddammit, Moony, what _now?”_  


“That’s my sweater. And you’ve got it on backwards.”  


Sirius paused, glancing down at his chest. “Oh.” He flushed, fumbling with the heavy wool.  


“Hey, hey, it’s alright!” Remus interrupted, getting to his feet. He crossed to Sirius in two quick strides and caught the other boy’s hands. “You look better in maroon anyway. It washes me out.” Sirius looked at him, his hands frozen at his sides. Remus was still gripping his wrists playfully. “S'alright, Pads,” he repeated gently.  


Sirius hesitated only a moment before shoving Remus off with his shoulder. He rolled his eyes as he reversed the sweater. “You just want me in your clothes,” he quipped with a wink. “Too bad I didn’t end up in your pants by accident, too.”  


“Oh, fuck off,” Remus replied, ducking his head to hide where warmth flooded his cheeks. He busied himself with pawing through the clutter of the shack for Sirius’ deep green sweater, which he at last found among the wreckage of an old kitchen table. He pulled it over his head, unable to ignore the thickness of Sirius' scent that still clung to the wool— fire whiskey and cigarette smoke and expensive cologne that scratched at his still-tender wolf's senses. Remus coughed. “You been smoking again?”  


Sirius shrugged, playing nonchalance. “Just a couple of fags here and there, mate. No need to get your john in a twist.”  


“That shit’s deadly, you know.”  


“So’s life, Moons,” Sirius replied with a smirk. He wiggled his eyebrows playfully and tugged on his boots. “How do I look, Lupy? Eh?” He turned, ruffling his hair.  


“Like a twat.”  


“Aw, shut it. How do I _really_ look?”  


“Like you’re going to be late for Transfiguration.”  


“Hmph.” Sirius shook his head in mock disappointment as he slipped into his beat up leather jacket. “If you’d asked me, I’d’ve told you you looked dashing as always. Now come on—” He spun, clapping Remus on the shoulder and striding for the door. “Hop to it, Lupy! We’ve got worlds to conquer!”


	2. It'd Still Be Heaven in My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no content warnings this time, just some very soft cuddles

_Winter, 1975_

Sirius Black hated winter nearly as much as he hated being alone. 

It was stupid, really, and he hardly had a good reason for it. There was just something about the bare trees like skeletons jutting up towards the grey sky; something about the wind that sounded more like howling than anything else; something about the way he could never quite get warm enough, no matter how many sweaters he put on or how many blankets he slept under. It made him feel weak and lonely and shitty. It made him want a goddamn cigarette. 

Sirius tugged the covers up under his chin, releasing a soft, dog-like whine despite himself. It must’ve been half past two, at least. It was too cold to sleep, too cold to think, too cold to do anything but lay there and shiver. 

“Alright, Pads?” Someone asked softly. It was Moony, no doubt, his voice warm and husky from the other side of the curtain. 

“Yeah.” He waited a moment, hardly daring to breathe. Remus didn’t move. “You can go back to bed, Lu,” Sirius told him. A soft chuckle came from the other side of the curtain. 

“No, I don’t think I will.” 

Sirius sighed in exasperation. “Seriously, mate. I’m fine. Go back to bed.” 

“Remember the other night, when you wouldn’t leave me alone?” Remus asked quietly. The floorboards creaked. 

“Goddammit, Moony, are you _sitting down?_ ” 

Remus ignored him, continuing. “Well. I’m glad you didn’t. So now I’m not going to leave you alone, either.” There was a long pause, then. Remus hesitated, inhaling in the soft sort of way he always did when there was a question on his lips. “Mind if I join you?” 

Sirius snickered. “Only if you don’t mind being the little spoon.” 

“You’re too small to spoon me and you know it.” 

“Oh, sod off.” 

“Nope.” Another long moment passed between them. Finally, Sirius rolled his eyes in submission. 

“Fine, whatever,” he conceded. “Spoon me to sleep, lover boy.” He rolled onto his side and scooted over, making room for Remus to climb into the bed beside him. Remus’ arms slipped easily around him and Sirius’ body flooded with warmth. 

“Merlin, you’re _freezing,_ ” Remus breathed into his hair. 

It was all Sirius could do to keep from kissing him right then and there, if only for the warmth of it. “Yeah, I get cold.” 

Remus _tsk_ ed softly, pulling Sirius’ body closer to his own beneath the blankets. “Is that okay?” 

“Mmm,” Sirius managed, breathless. He squeezed his eyes shut, biting down on his lip hard enough to summon the familiar tang of blood. Remus was just being nice. Remus was just worried about him. That was all. There was no way in hell Remus was _actually_...whatever. It didn’t matter. Sirius didn’t even know if _he_ was, well, anything, really. The two of them had fooled around a few times before, of course, but who hadn’t? It had been late. They’d been wasted. It had been a kiss or two. A couple of hickeys. Nothing Sirius hadn’t already done with Lily or even James on a drunken dare. 

But this time it was different. 

On impulse, Sirius shifted. Lupin was closer than he expected when he turned, and Remus blinked in surprise when their heads nearly collided. 

“Oh, fuck, were you serious about the little spoon thing?” Remus raised a bemused eyebrow and started to roll over, but Sirius caught his arm. 

“No.” He hesitated. Took a breath. “Stay.” 

Remus surveyed him quizzically for a moment before understanding flooded his features. “Oh,” he said faintly. He nodded, settling back down next to Sirius. Sirius grinned, the heat of his exhale dancing across Lupin’s skin. 

“Hi,” he said. 

“Hullo there,” Remus replied. 

“Is this okay?” Sirius’ hands were hidden by the blanket, clenched together in front of his sternum almost as though for protection. He looked like a little kid, hunkered down there beneath the sheets, eyes wide and longing like those of a dog begging for scraps. 

Remus nodded. “Yeah.” A long moment passed, Sirius’ grey eyes searching Remus’ green ones wordlessly. Gingerly, Remus eased a hair closer. He settled his hands between their bodies so his knuckles just barely grazed Sirius’ own. Sirius inhaled sharply despite himself, and Remus recoiled. 

“Shit, sorry. Was that, er...was that too much?” 

Sirius shook his head. “No! No, it’s not you.” He allowed his eyes to flutter shut for a moment, issuing a silent plea for his tensed muscles to ease back into neutrality. “It’s not you. I’m just…” He grimaced, glancing away. “I’ve never done this before.” 

“What?” Remus murmured, his words tinged with vague amusement. “Cuddled?” 

Sirius flushed. “Yeah. Normally I just...get right on with it, y’know?” 

“And what exactly is ‘it,’ might I ask?” Remus raised his eyebrows, causing Sirius to blush even harder. 

“Oy, fuck if I knew!” He cried, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “Whatever we’re about to do?” 

“The way I took it, I was supposed to be innocently spooning you to sleep.” There was a trace of good-natured teasing in Remus’ voice, and Sirius could just barely make out a trace of the rare, stupid, little smirk that hung from his lips. 

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Oh, fuck you, Moons.” 

“You’d like that, huh.” 

At that, Sirius let out an indignant whine of protest, simultaneously burying his face in the pillow and shooting Lupin the bird. “I hate you,” he said, his voice muffled by the fabric. 

“Mmhm,” Remus murmured, catching Sirius’ hand mid-vulgar gesture. He loosely wove their fingers together, hesitant. Waiting. Sirius didn’t pull away. 

After a moment, the other boy shifted back onto his side. He faced away from Remus this time, and the curves and jagged edges of his body seemed to fit perfectly into place against Lupin’s slender frame. 

“Is this okay?” Sirius whispered for the second time. His voice was gentler than Remus had ever heard it, soft with hesitance and lack of sleep. 

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s great.” 

“Okay.” 

“Okay.” 

They laid like that silence for a few minutes, listening to each other breathe. At last, Sirius spoke. 

“Hey, Moony?” 

“Mm?” 

“Thanks.” Sirius paused, swallowing. “For, um. For not fucking off when I told you to.” 

Lupin laughed softly, the sound warm and gentle against Sirius’ ear. “Yeah, mate. You, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Break your neck,  
>  and I will love you  
> like a bird that cannot fly  
> you will be fine."_  
> \- Jim Bogart, The Front Bottoms
> 
> A bit of wholesome cuddles for you :)
> 
> As always, feedback is more than welcome!
> 
> Additionally, I've been messing about a bit with the timeline so I'm sorry for any confusion that might have created! These first two chapters take place during the Marauders' fifth year at Hogwarts, in 1975. For the sake of this story, Sirius did not run away from home until the summer before their sixth year, in 1976. This may deviate from canon slightly, but honestly all of the Marauders Era timelines I can find are a bit muddled. Hope that clears things up!
> 
> Feel free to follow me on twitter @gaygatz

**Author's Note:**

> Title and chapter titles are from the song "Jim Bogart" by The Front Bottoms. The full lyric is:  
>  _"I would sleep better on your floor,  
>  than I would ever in my bed  
> and if your carpet makes my face itch,  
> it'd still be heaven in my head.  
> I would play more than just four chords,  
> if it's a song that you might like,  
> but I am not very good,  
> so I would practice every night."_
> 
> Additionally, this is my first fic, so any feedback would be lovely! If you guys enjoy it, I'll post the rest!
> 
> Feel free to follow me on twitter @gaygatz :)
> 
> *Sidenote, all characters unfortunately belong to J.K. Rowling, who was too much of a coward to make them the raging homosexuals we all know they were. I would like to make it VERY clear that I do not support or endorse any of her disgusting transphobic views.*


End file.
